Part 51: Update XXXIX - Ruling The World Ain't Easy

Update XXXIX - Ruling The World Ain't Easy



♪ BGM: Asgar's Castle - blood009.mid ♫

Another update, another housekeeping session. We get another 6000 Filar from taxes, pick up 64 mercenaries...

Ongoing Costs: 58000 + 6400 = 64400 Filar



...and decide that fuck it, let's get another attack going, because we have almost 100 mercenaries left over after stocking up the defenses on the castles with 30 mercenaries each. Basically, we have a TON of mercenaries.



And the Elras only have 32 guys defending. This should be a win for us, though we could take some strong casualties.



And indeed we do win, and indeed we do take a ton of casualties.

Mercenaries Lost To Global Domination: 343 + 69 = 412



Only one castle left! ...and it is thus that I make a... let's call it "questionable" decision. I figure "hey, if I take over all the castles, the attacks should end, right? So I don't need defenses anymore and can just throw everybody into one big attack and take the castle that way". And so that's what I do! Some castles, like Ardos, end up with absolutely no soldiers in them at all.



And we dump everything into one big assault on Johlar.



72 Elras guard this castle. It's going to take some massively good rolls in our favor to take this castle with this wave.



And somehow, we actually get those rolls, losing only 73 mercenaries.

Mercenaries Lost To Global Domination: 412 + 73 = 485



And thus, we have conquered every castle! Believing that I would no longer need to defend the castles, I don't redistribute mercenaries to the castles that don't have any in them. Spoilers: This decision was made in error.



Excellent...

However, now that we've taken over the castles, we have some new prisoners to play with. What Ronak doesn't mention is that we've also gotten a plain Elras mage in addition to the Elras leader. And who is this Elras leader?



It's Raron! Man, we're getting some rather important characters just stuffed into our dungeons here. Sadly, the torture session fails. So, who's ready to explore some castles?



♪ BGM: A Truth Revealed - WraithTouch.mid ♫

Our destination du jour is...



♪ BGM: Castle Johlar - daggerf10.mid ♫

...Castle Johlar!



We've already been here a couple of times, so there's not that much new for us here.



Also, seems like the Elras aren't big on cleaning up.



Asgar has this to say about all the body parts strewn around the place.



the battle against the Elras: "It was a cold and rainy night as Sir Aaron and his brave companions split the leader of the Elras in two during their last battle. Their blood splattered over several meters across the ground while they drew their last breath..."
So apparently, the Clan wiped out the Elras?
We should definitely try to find out more about this...



Hm, with these, we could at least teach our mercenaries a thing or two...
Strength of the mercenaries increased by 1!

Handy! Well, it would've been more useful earlier, but alas.



castle...

Also, somehow, a fire has been burning on the castle all this time, and nobody seems to be concerned with putting it out.



What's this?
Looks like a key.
Hm, it's glowing so weirdly.
Let's see if we can find the matching lock for it!

Well, that'll be something to look out for. Now, there's one other thing we're looking for here, and that's the magic helmet Asmos has hidden here.



And like he said, it was hidden under a table in the central room of the castle.



This looks pretty useful, but artifacts have a way of fucking with you in this game. For now, it goes on Alaine.



And the moment we leave the equipment menu, we see the issue. So here's the thing. The wearer of Tallamun has both Weakened and Blind inflicted upon them whenever they wear it. This means that character's Attack and Defense drop by half, and their hit rate with regular attacks goes to 20%. This essentially means that they're completely worthless as a physical attacker. This could be useful in boss fights if you have a dedicated spellcaster, but I really don't have that right now. That Defense hit is the big problem here, because that means that the character will be relegated to the back row and just casting all day. While that could work with a specific party build, I don't have that. So basically, this thing sucks for me, and I'm not using it. So, next, w-



Oh.


Dear.



Shit.

Now, a few notes on what just happened. For one, the target selection for these attacks is entirely random, so it landing on one of the castles I left empty was just terrible luck. Secondly, losing this castle increases the "unrest" value, which reduces our tax income. The only way to fix unrest that I know of is solving two quests, which would reduce unrest by one, but which would also raise Valnar's level to 10 for sure. We'll need to see how we solve this. To begin with, we instantly teleport back to Asgar's castle, because we have shit to clean up.



♪ BGM: Asgar's Castle - blood009.mid ♫

We get some more cash from taxes...



...immediately blow all our cash on mercenaries...

Ongoing Costs: 64400 + 6100 = 70500 Filar



...and starting an assault to take back Ardos.



We do so with 8 lost mercenaries.

Mercenaries Lost To Global Domination: 412 + 8 = 420



And with that, global domination has been temporarily restored. However, we now know that we need to keep our defenses stocked up. For now, I redirect some mercenaries to those lacking defenses and even things out a bit. However, we'll still need to keep stocking up.



And in order to facilitate that, we need money. And, well, this helmet sure gives a lot of money. So I just sold it...



...and instantly dump it into even more mercenaries and spread them around the castles.

Ongoing Costs: 70500 + 2600 = 73100 Filar



♪ BGM: A Truth Revealed - WraithTouch.mid ♫

Our next stop will be the village associated with Johlar.



♪ BGM: Mirana - Stadt11.mid ♫



Now, Mirana has eight houses for us to explore, and there's some rather interesting things to be seen there. Let's get started!



Can I help you?
We just wanted to ask around for any kind of news...
Oh, for a beautiful lady like you, I will gladly tell some news. Recently, the husband of Lisa passed away, and she has inherited his entire fortune. Alyn is finally in love, but he doesn'T know what he is supposed to gift his sweetheart. Because he wants to marry her, just like Alex his marrying his Christin at the church right now. If you hurry, you can still watch the ceremony...
Well, that is something, thank you.
You're welcome. Visits are always welcome here.

Wait, Alex and Christin? Don't tell me...

Hm, well, if I weren't already married, I would marry my beloved Tanja once again.



Hello.
If I had known that my husband would be having guests over, I would have prepared something to eat.
Thanks, but we just wanted to ask around if there's perhaps something we can help with.
If you need some work, then you should talk to Gerum. He always has a lot to do. He's the baker of this town.
Thanks a lot. We'll stop by there.

Hm, should I get the bread first, or should I warm the soup?



Hehe, well, when it comes to seduction, I am the expert.
Oh yeah, I haven't noticed anything like that so far!?
Hey, in my arms, the women become powerless one after the other.
Before or after you've sucked their blood?
Jackass.



What is it about?
"A young couple of lovers fight through the problems of this world..." That's what the spine says, anyways.
Problems, pah. They should meet ME for once, hehehe... THEN they'd have a problem!



Of course, the attacks don't let up.



12 knights take out 9 mercenaries.

Mercenaries Lost To Global Domination: 420 + 9 = 429

This really is going to be an issue in the long run. Well, we'll just have to see what happens.



Well, looks like they all hit the road.
Well, I didn't like them anyway. It's better that they're gone.
And they won't be coming back.
I hope you're right. I want a life with freedom and without problems. Having all those guards around in town all the time really did lower our quality of life.

Hehe, luckily, those guards never discovered my little hiding place next to the boxes...

Hiding place?



Don't mind if I do!

4 Healing Potions obtained! Light Rune obtained!

Neat. Free runes are always good.



Who?
Yikes, I didn't even notice you!
You seem to be deep in thought.
You can say that again. I have a correspondence with a girl from Ildan, and I'm going to visit her in the near future for the first time. However, I really don't know what I should bring her as a gift. Damn it, I just want to make a good impression!
How about flowers?
Flowers? Who the hell likes getting flowers?
Oh, just be quiet, Asgar...
Yes, I thought about that, too, but I don't know what kind of flowers she likes.
I think she would be pleased with any kind of flower...
Hmm, I'm not so sure about that, I'm afraid. Say, you don't happen to be going to Ildan in the near future?
Why?
Well, um, I was hoping you would be able to do me a favor, perhaps.
And that would be?
Well, maybe you could find out what kind of flowers she likes.
1) Sure, we'll do it. - 2) No, we don't have time for that.

Yeah, sure.

Really? Thank you! Her name is Reyka, and she lives in Ildan, as I already mentioned. I don't know how you might be able to find it out, but I hope you'll be successful! I'll be waiting here in the meantime, and hope you'll be quick.

Oh, Reyka, just what kind of gift can I give you? I don't want you to think that I am some kind of showoff. And of course, I don't want you to think I'm a miser, either. Damn it, what present am I supposed to give her!?



What is this house?
Well, this is the house of our honorable mayor Quinn.
Mayor, well, well...
Asgar, behave yourself.
May we speak with him?
Of course. If you have an appointment.
No, we don't.
No appointment? Hm, just a moment... in 5 weeks, an appointment would be available. On which name, please?
Thanks, there's no need. Appointments, pfff...

Hrmpf, these look a lot like a bunch of crazy people to me...



Oh, of course. Sorry.

Now, here's the thing: I actually just assumed that there was something I was missing here, that there maybe was a way to get an appointment or something like that, but no, that's not the case. There is exactly one way to get in here, and I won't tell you for now what it is. Personally, I didn't even consider the solution as an option until I cracked open RPG Maker and confirmed that yes, that's what you were supposed to do. But yeah, we'll get back to this eventually.



Children belong in the pantry, and not the living room!
Sometimes, I simply have to shake my head with you, Asgar.
Sooner or later, even YOU will recognize my wisdom.
Yeah, yeah, totally. *urgs*



Don't call me little one!
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
My daddy said I'm the greatest, and once I'm an adult, everything here will belong to me! ME! And I'll let people like you get arrested!
Arrested? Us? You and what army?
When I'm grown up, I'm going to be rich! And if you're rich, you can get people arrested! And that's why I'm going to get you arrested!
I hope you brat keep drinking your milk. Otherwise, I don't have to be afraid for the next 30 years that such a brat like you is ever going to arrest us.
WAAAAHHH! I'll tell Mommy that!
But be careful so that you don't trip over one of your building blocks on the way...

When I'm grown up, I'll get the whole world arrested! HAHAHAHAHA!



We're looking for some work to do.
Hmmm, well, I do have a little favor you might be able to do for me.
And what would that be?
My son wishes for a pet, that he can then arrest all the time.
Arrest?
Yes, he likes to play pretending to arrest others. He talks about it all the time.
And we are now supposed to get him an animal with which he can always play!?
Precisely. I already have a fitting animal in mind. A giant Bugus Beetle!
Come again?
Yes, it has a hard shell, so my son is free to be a little rougher with it. In addition, they don't eat much, so the feeding cost gets minimized. I would like a specimen without an attacking sting. My son shouldn't get hurt while playing, after all.
And where can we find them?
A little to the northwest, west of Castle Johlar, there is a forest where those beetles like to reside. So, will you help me?
1) Yes, sure. - 2) No, I don't want to.

And thus, we can add "bug catcher" to Valnar's endless list of occupations.

Excellent. Then bring me one of them. Of course, I'm going to reward you for that. All right then, go, my son's waiting!

My son is so smart, he's definitely going to be a great scientist one day!



We just wanted to see if everything's all right.
Yes, sure... get out, you wretched thieves!
All right, all right...

I wish we had gotten a daughter. She wouldn't be as spoiled!



conversation!
Please, just continue, we didn't want to bother you.
If you want to talk, you should visit someone else. Milady only talks about her fortune anyway, which she has inherited from her husband.

Pheeew, I wish I could take another break, but my last break was only four hours ago.



Oh, we just wanted to talk a little.
Ever since she lost her husband, the only thing she talks about is money. Although, she's been doing that before that, as well, all the time. And she's stingy on top of that.
Well, we'll see.

Just eight more years. I'll have all the money necessary to buy a smal house. I'm already looking forward to it!



A sensible title, I would say, hehe...



Sounds promising; too bad we don't have time for this right now.



Hm, I wonder if there's a meaning behind this?



Who reads trash like this?
Everyone who likes to be bold and beautiful. So everyone who wants to be like me.
Pfffffff...
It's all right, jealousy is always part of people from your rank.



Yes?
I hope you cleaned your shoes before you entered this house! The carpet was expensive!
You seem to be pretty wealthy...
Well, let me put it this way... I had a good taste when it came to men. My beloved Morinius passed away recently. And now I have inherited all of his fortune.
You don't seem to be particularly sad about that...
Well, I loved him. Especially his money! But wait a second, why am I even telling you this? This doesn't concern you in the slightest!
The richer, the more arrogant...
Did you say something?
Let's leave...

Oh Morinius! I love you! For leaving all that money for me!

Meanwhile, in a different house...



Hm, why would we do that?
Oh, you aren't "guests" of my mistress?
What do you mean?
Ah, nothing. Please forget what I just said...
Hmmm...

Oh, with these bruises, I can barely clean. Just why is life so unfair to me?



Is she that strict with her servants?
Oh yes, you can say that. But I'd better get back to work. Otherwise, I won't get any pay at all.
Brave girl...

Where did I put the feather duster again this time? If the shelves aren't clean by this evening, I can forget about my pay for today! And then I'd have to... no, I don't even want to think about it...



The title is "The End". "The sun seems united with the sky. But at this hour, things seem a bit sour. The world lapses and I don't know why. Now it is dark and the sun is dry. The moon rises and shines blood red. I know exactly that soon I am dead. But before I part, I first must see. How sun and moon turn away from me. The sky is empty, just like my soul. The soul of hope is gone as a whole. My body lies there, ceases to live. The quaking earth does not forgive. The small planet no longer exists. Only the moon does still resist. The sun still shines bright yet again. The light flies by, does not stop and follows its plan. Just like the pain, it will never fade. It most likely won't ever stop, I'm afraid."

What can you say to something like that?



Ah, customers! I'm charging the usual price. 1000 Filar.
What are you talking about? 1000 Filar for what?
Ah, I see. Then forget what I just said. Everything's peaceful here. Please leave now, my girls have to "clean" now...
Hmmm...

Only two guests today. I guess I have to "motivate" my girls a little bit; it can't go on like this.



*sob*
Hey, what's wrong?
*sob* Please leave me alone...
What happened?
Please go... I can't talk about it... *sob*
Something's wrong in this house...

It hurts so much...



This book is not the only thing that's shifty...



Who are you?
WHAT? How dare you speak to me with such a tone!? After all, I'm paying money so that I can attend to my own things here undisturbed! And now, leave the girl here and get out!
Excuse me? Am I hearing this right!?
Hold on a minute! You aren't one of Jana's girls!
Now I understand what's happening in this house with the poor girls! You filthy pig!
Now it gets interesting...
I'm sorry? What? Wait, it's not like that!
Oh, yeah? Then what is it like?
I have a wife and kids! It's not as you think!
Lying is something you still have to learn, bastard!
This isn't a brothel! Honest!
Then explain to me why you're paying this Jana?
Well, sometimes, as a man, I get the desire to hurt a woman a little bit... but only very gently! I'm just spanking the girls' butts a little bit!
You disgusting pig!
But the girls want it, too! Or they'd lose their jobs!
Sick bastards like you must die early! I'll make sure of that!
Okay, I can see that you don't like it that much. I'll make you an offer. 500 Filar if you leave me alone!
Deal!
Asgar!
Ah, I can see you're a man with reason! Here, please, and now, go...
500 Filar received!
Asgar, what are you doing?
Now you can kill him...

Hmmm, oh, these wonderful firm buttocks...

Now, I thought that killing this guy would mean that we'd also have to kill the maid on the same map, but turns out that that's not the case. Of course, I only learned that now. Well, let's just put murdering this guy on the to-do list. After all, death is a dish best served cold. And yes, I have a to-do list now to keep track of the minor shit I think of while writing updates. It now reads as follows:

- Check out that one hidden snow town
- Check out the mayor's house in Mirana
- Murder that one guy in Mirana

Anyway, onwards!



No, thanks. But it does look very delicious.
It is! If you change your mind, just come back here.

I love baking! I hope I'm going to be as good as Master Gerum one day!



roll?
Thanks, but we're really not hungry.
Hihi, all right, I don't want you to get fat, after all...
(Note: Oven heat damages the brain...)

Ahhh, my milk rolls are simply unbeaten. Not even Master Gerum compares to that, hihihi...



Oh, do you want to buy something?
No, we actually wanted to ask if there's anything we can help with.
You're looking for work? Good timing. I still have some deliveries to make, and my two girls here are currently busy with other things. It would be nice if you were able to make the deliveries.
1) Yes, gladly. - 2) No, better not.

Valnar, bread deliverer. Sure, why not.

Excellent. The first delivery is for Lisa. She lives in the southeast of town.
Bread Basket received!
The second delivery is for someone called Raine from Ordun. I haven't delivered anything to her yet, but she ordered a bunch by carrier pigeon. I'm sure you'll find her.
3 Bread Baskets received!
All right, and here we have one more delivery to the Aldaines' castle. Someone called Derbor has even ordered 10 bread baskets. Apparently, someone is very hungry.
10 Bread Baskets received!
Derbor? That's the leader of the mercenaries!
Oh, you know him? Even better. At least there's four of you, or you wouldn't even be able to carry all this.
Don't worry, we'll handle this.
When you've completed your deliveries, return to me and bring me the money. Lisa is supposed to give you 1000 Filar, she has enough money. That Raine should give me 1500 Filar. And Derbor should give me 5000 Filar. You'll get your reward after you have finished all deliveries.
All right. We'll be back soon.

My goodness, with so many orders recently, I'm having trouble keeping up. But as a master baker, there's a lot to do, after all.

I guess this is something we can just knock out while exploring.



"Morrus Mushrooms - Effects on Humans".
Morrus Mushrooms? Strange...

Strange indeed.



fortune. If only I had such a rich man who then kicks the bucket...
Uh, yes... uh, thanks for the information...
Wait a moment, I don't think I even know you! You don't happen to be rich?
Get lost, you greedy cow!
Hey, it's not forbidden to just ask...

Hm, where can I find a rich man? Old and rich, that would be nice...

Now, are you tired of Dark Shadows references yet? I sure hope you're not, because here's a big one!



♪ BGM: The Great Organ - largesaintlyhall.mid ♫

A waste of paper.



A wedding! Psst, we mustn't disturb this!



♪ BGM: Here Comes The Bride - wedding4.mid ♫

And now, Alex and his chosen one Christin wish to enter into the eternal bond of marriage. Marriage is a bond by the hand of God. You vow each other eternal faithfulness and love. You shall stand side by side for your love, happy until the end of your days. In good, as well as even better days, until death do you part. Your love will rise anew every day, and your children shall carry your love inside their hearts, and you will be one happy family.
Blah blah blah...
You're simply too unromantic, Asgar!
And then, when you will be looking back at your life, you will be filled with pride and even more love! So I ask you, Alex, do you wish to love your betrothed Christin and love her more for all time?
Yes, I do!
So I ask you, Christin, do you wish to love your betrothed Alex and love him more for all time?
Yes, I will!
Beautiful, just beautiful...
Well, I'm hungry...
I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride!



So yeah, if you don't remember, Alex is the protagonist of Dark Shadows (and approximately 5000 other RPG Maker games, but that's a different topic) and Christin is his love interest. Note that this now not only means that the events of Unterwegs in Düsterburg take place within this world while also being an apparently fictitious story, but the events of Dark Shadows also are both a story and have actually taken place. And before you say "well, they might just be named Alex and Christin and look the same, but are supposed to be different people", nope, that's not it, and we'll see why in a bit. Marlex has created a real clusterfuck of a shared universe with these references.

I love you!
I love you!

Alex and Christin then proceed to kiss like five more times.

My children, please... save this for later...
And now, off to our honeymoon! A beautiful cruise!



And off they go.

Finally. That took forever...
Hrmpf...
Thank you, Maria, that's enough. Play the usual, please...

♪ BGM: The Great Organ - largesaintlyhall.mid ♫

Angel will now go around with the collecte, dear attendants. Please donate in the name of love!



So, we have a choice here. Giving 100 Filar nets us a bit of Humanity, giving 500 Filar nets us a bit more Humanity, and stealing money gives us a random amount of Filar between 100 and 200. We'll take the 500 Filar option for the Humanity.

In the name of God, I thank you for your generous donation! And now go, my children...

And with the wedding done, we can now walk around and talk to the other visitors.



on my skin all the time!
Hey, my thoughts exactly! But tell me, do we know each other from somewhere? Somehow, you look kind of familiar to me.
Not that I know of.
Oh well, it doesn't matter either way.

Somehow, I'm hungry.

The other three visitors are all characters from Dark Shadows. Hyuga here is somebody you might remember from the first game, where he had a cameo appearance in the form of a gravestone. You'll also then note that Hyuga uses the same sprite that Asgar had in the first game. In Dark Shadows, he also used the same face graphic that Asgar used in the first game. So yeah, might look a bit familiar. He is also, of course, a vampire. I don't remember how vampires work in the Dark Shadows world, but I'm pretty sure Elras were not involved.



got his ass kicked by us...
(Hm, somehow, this guy does look a bit like me...)

*sigh* I wish I could find a woman. But as a mage, things aren't easy for me...

So, Zhoragh here is a battle mage. His sprite and face from Dark Shadows are what was the base for Valnar's VD1 graphics, and they were also used for Lazalantin in UiD.



is consistently late for dinner...

Hehe, it was about time that someone made a man out of Alex. I'm glad it was at least a woman. The things that could have happened otherwise, hehe...

It is at this point that I'm reminded that beyond the names of people, I remember fuck all about Dark Shadows. I guess it might've paid off to replay that at some point in time. D'oh well.



Always the same tootling. It's time for Joseph to pick another tune for a change!



But I'll work my way up there eventually. Then I can also stand around all day lazily, just like Joseph...

Oh well, the collection wasn't exactly huge this time...



That was a beautiful wedding, Bishop.
Thank you. There haven't been that many weddings recently. I am glad if there is a couple from time to time that is willing to enter the adventures of marriage.
When was the last wedding?
Well, the last ones to enter marriage were Morinius and Lisa. But by now, her husband has already passed away. After only four months. The poor girl... many more young couples should get married. It is God's wish.

Ahhh, I was so good again today. Yes, I've still got it, hehe...

Alright, and there we go. That was the grand Dark Shadows Reunion Tour of '86. Anyway, that concludes our exploration of Mirana. Next time, we'll take one step more towards finally being done with the exploration of the world.